The Mosquito Baron

One day the king called his Royal Fool, the Court Jester, before the throne to discuss some important business. With a mixture of apprehension and anticipation, the Fool put on his best Fool Clothes and entered the throne room at the appointed time. Meekly, and with uncertainty, he approached the king. With bowed head he glanced from side to side at the knights and nobles assembled on either side of the room. They watched with prideful disdain as the Fool approached the king.

The Fool bowed low with a flourish, “Your Majesty, I am here for you to command.”

The king nodded.

 “Of course you are” he said matter-of-factly. 

His Majesty paused, then took a grape from a bowl of fruit and popped it into his mouth. His eyes narrowed as he looked the Fool up and down, appraising his worth as he would a suit of clothes offered by the royal tailor . After what seemed a lifetime to the Fool, the king softened his expression and smiled warmly.

“My dear Fool. I have called you to this special meeting because of some very important business. There is a terrible plague upon our fair city. The mosquitoes which come out at night are driving everyone to distraction. Something must be done. I need someone of special talents to deal with the problem. You.” 

With the last word the king leaned forward and raised an eyebrow as he looked directly into the Fool's wide eyes. Until that moment, the king had never once looked the Fool in the eye, considering him to be beneath such royal favor.

The Fool placed his hand on his chest and took a step back. He stammered, “M-me? Why, your Majesty, what special talents do I have? You have great knights, of surpassingt martial prowess. You have learned mages and alchemists who have knowledge and arcane skills I can only guess at. What could I offer to solve this problem that they can't?”

The king sat back on his throne, tilting his head back and staring down his nose at the Fool for a moment.

“I certainly hope you are merely being humble, rather than questioning my judgment,” the king said quietly. 

The Fool gulped and shook his head, “Sire, I would never question your wisdom in anything. If you say I am the man for the job, then I must be. Your wish is my command. I was just curious as to what skills I have that these fair and accomplished knights and nobles don't.”

The king nodded, and smiled slightly. “Dear Fool, mosquitoes are curious things. They flit about, scarcely noted except for the annoying drone of their wings. Only when they alight and bite their victims does one even have a chance to strike one dead. Thus it is too late. I want the bugs eliminated before they bite. My knights? Well, they are warriors and though they might try swinging about with their swords or axes, it's obvious that such methods are not adequate for slaying mosquitoes. As for my mages and alchemists..." the king sighed, "they have suggested various methods, but none of their suggestions have been satisfactory. We need 'fresh thinking', a new point of view, in order to solve this dilemma.”

“Of course," the king continued, glancing around at his assembled court, “completing this task is not without rewards. Should you rid the city of mosquitoes, I will name you a baron and reward you accordingly. Perhaps the hand of one of my daughters...” With that the king smiled and tilted his head, again glancing about at knights and council, who smiled in return.

The Fool excitedly bowed low. He had longed to be more than the Court Jester, to prove himself worthy of a title and rewards as others in the room have done.

“Your wish is my command sire. I shall rid the city of the dread bloodsuckers this very night. I swear it shall be done.!” 

With that he continued bowing as he backed out of the throne room, clutching his Fool's hat to his chest and glancing about at the assembled nobles as they voiced their encouragement.

At first the fool had no idea how to accomplish his quest. What could he do that a knight or mage couldn't. Then he thought about his talents, and understood. No one in the kings court was better at prancing about, leaping, dancing, and acrobatics. To catch a mosquito, you had to be as nimble and elusive as a mosquito. But he was only one man, and couldn't do it alone. So he thought some more, and came up with an idea. He sent word out for all the acrobats and dancers, all the nimblest people in the city, to come to the market square at sunset.

At the appointed time, the Fool saw that dozens of people he knew as the best dancers, acrobats-even jugglers-had assembled. He stood on the edge of the fountain in the square to address the assembly. “My colleagues, the king has given me...I mean US a very important assignment, for which we are uniquely suited. We must rid the city of mosquitoes this night. The knights, mages and alchemists have all failed at this task, but of course we will succeed, for we have skills they do not. In return, we will be rewarded handsomely. Our own fiefdom in which we will have special titles and rights. What say you?”

The crowd of performers looked about at each other, and with one voice cried “Aye, let's rid the city of the bloodsucking bugs!” and with that they began to run about, leaping and jumping up, grabbing at every mosquitoes they could see. Slapping about with anything they could find that might kill a bug-spoons, ladles, even their hats and shoes.

The citizens of the city thought it was all some sort of special show, and lined the streets or leaned out their windows to watch as scores of performers leaped about swinging and batting at any mosquitoes they saw. The show continued through the night, into the wee hours until at last, the exhausted troop of mosquito hunters realized there were no more mosquitoes to be found. They looked at each other in surprise as they realized they had done something that knights and noblemen had not been able to do. As dawn approached, they again gathered in the square, exhausted but happy.

The Fool again stood upon the fountain, “My friends, my most illustrious comrades. We have done it! We have accomplished our task, achieved a great victory. Where might of arms, or sorcery, or sage wisdom have failed, we have succeeded. Surely we will be recognized for our success accordingly by the king. I shall go see him after sunrise.”

With that the assembled performers all raised a cheer, “Hip hip HOORAY for the Royal Fool!”.

As the Fool walked through the crowd back toward the castle, there was much congratulations and clapping him on his back. He had never known such popularity and respect. There was much talk among these common folk that now, with their accomplishment: would they receive greater respect from the king and his nobles? Perhaps even a reward such as a special holiday. Their own fiefdom! They could scarcely imagine such a thing, Many asked the Fool if this were the case. He nodded and assured them that once he was given his title, he would make sure all those who had worked together on the task would be rewarded accordingly.

Later that morning, after the Fool had refreshed himself, he approached the king in his audience chamber. Only this time, instead of the meek, unsure Fool of yesterday, he approached with confidence, his shoulders thrown back and his head held high. He strode boldly forward and then stopped, bowed low then stood at attention before the king. “Sire, I have completed the appointed task. There are no more mosquitoes to be found in the city.”

With that the king and his knights and nobles applauded politely, along with exchanging words of appreciation and commenting on how much better life in the city would be thanks to the efforts of the Fool.

After a few moments, the king motioned for everyone to be silent. He again gave the Fool an appraising examination, then nodded. “I knew you would not fail in this task. It certainly wasn't something I would assign to a knight or nobleman. They are above such mundane labors. No one else would be so undignified as you and your comrades, leaping about all night, flailing and swatting at bugs like a mob of lunatics. It not only eliminated all the mosquitoes, but was also quite entertaining for the rest of the citizens.” With that the king laughed, along with his court.

The Fool blushed bright red as he understood the import of the king's words. He bowed his head, hoping that neither the king nor his nobles could see the tears welling up in his eyes. He clenched his fists so tight his knuckles turned white, then finally blurted out, “SIRE!" What of my reward?”

With that outburst, the laughter in the court ceased, replaced by shocked as everyone awaited the king's response to such impertinence.  The king frowned at the Fool for a moment, but then put a strained smile on his face. He had promised a title, of course, and “perhaps” the hand of one of his daughters. It would not do to fail to fulfill his royal word.

“Of course. Even though you are a fool, and hardly of true noble worth, I will do as I have promised. I hereby declare you to be Baron of Mosquitoes, with all mosquitoes in the entire kingdom directly under your control. Henceforth you are in charge of ensuring that all mosquitoes in the kingdom comply with royal decree to never bite another human citizen again! Go forth, Mosquito Baron. Gather your army and enforce my edict.” With that the king chuckled and looked around at his knights and nobles, who burst out laughing.

The Fool understood now, exactly what the king and his court thought of him. He understood how he'd been used. He thought of one last thing that might help him retain some of his dignity. “Sire, “he said in a low, but firm voice, “what of the hand of one of your daughters. You said..”

The king interrupted him, “I said perhaps, the hand of one of my daughters. I asked each of them if they would want you as a husband. All refused. They watched as you made such a fool of yourself all night long, chasing mosquitoes, and each told me they couldn't possibly marry a Fool who would do something like that. So you will just have to make due with the reward I have given you. I could have commanded you to do it without reward anyway, couldn't I? But I am benevolent, and have given you a reward commensurate with your talents and worthI? So don't be an ingrate, little Fool, and go about your assigned tasks, according to your new title, for I will be watching you.”

With that the king dismissed the poor Fool, the Mosquito Baron, with a wave of his hand.

The Fool bowed his head and turned to leave. One question filled his thoughts: how big a fool should he be, to do as the king has laid on him in hopes of someday getting a true reward, or realize that in the eyes of the king, once a Fool, always a Fool.

Footnote: I saw this story in my mind a couple of years ago after thinking about how corporate America works. It's all about people in power enticing others to do things for them, with promises of letting them into their own elite club of "movers and shakers". The "carrot on the stick" almost never lives up to expectation, and the only people who really profit are those at the top who dangle the carrot. I've seen it all my life: "can do" types who base all their decisions at work on whether it will impress a higher up, not whether it's the right thing to do.

After a ludicrous presidential election campaign in which much effort was put into dividing our country and getting citizens to contend with each other over everything from the economy to marriage rights to reality TV stars, I realized this allegorical tale applies equally well to politics. Whether employees, consumers or voters, the reality of modern life is there are people in power using our desire to succeed to further their own goals, without regard to the morality or ethics behind it all. We are all being played for fools by many of our elected officials, and too many of us fall for it.